Spring 2022

Well just as I thought covid was over....

Omicron seems to come in waves that crash over the dance scene sapping the confidence of potential newbies. It's nearly Easter and I've been busy.

Yesterday, after four long years, I qualified as a Humanistic Integrative Counselor and upgraded my student BACP membership to registered member. Ooo errr missus! That's a bit flash sounding but really all it means is I'm a qualified counselor. I've been seeing clients for three years and I'm quite experienced for someone who's just qualified. I've been a volunteer counsellor at a placement called the Nightingale Cancer Support charity in Enfield and I'll continue there as I like it. They've supported me through my student years so a nice long thank you is in order. 

So why all the counselling blah blah on the Mambalsa blog?

Part of the reason to train as a therapist was to go into the psychological detail of relationships and change. That's what therapy is: a need to change, and the relationship on the dance floor is amazing similar to the therapeutic relationship. The core conditions of humanistic therapy as proposed by Carl Rogers are:

Empathy, Congruence and Unconditional Positive Regard.

Empathy is considering the other persons point of view, i.e. how it is for them. When empathy is put into action I call it consideration. Without empathy we're simply using our dance partner for our own gratification.Without empathy there is no relationship, just two individuals wasting each other's time.

Congruence is basically 'straightness' as in 'being straight with your partner'. There's no point pretending your partner is advanced if they're not. Pretending you're the greatest dancer is just that, a pretense, does wearing a fake smile really make you happy or confident? Nooooo! Only when you shift that fakeness can you really express yourself. Being real is confidence boosting and relaxing and therefore your start to look confident and relaxed. Welcome to the Gestalt paradox of change! 

Unconditional Positive Regard is going out there with a clear expectation to be the best for you partner and yourself. Do you really want to dance with someone who's going to be negative or disinterested? Hell no! Are you expecting your next dance partner to make you happier? Why no take responsibility for the relationship and invest positivity from the moment you start. I find it always gets reflected back.

Back to Mambalsa:

The counseling training has given me the psychological depth to Mambalsa. It's vastly improved my communication skills. It's also given me an occupational safety net. 

It feels very fitting for me to invite instructors to add Mambalsa to their portfolio of occupations when I have a portfolio of my own. We're all in the gig economy now!

Details of my counselling practice can be found at thecounsellorforyou.co.uk